Catatonic (a journal entry)

sometimes I feel
paralyzed
almost catatonic
frustrated by my ego-driven behavior
questioning
is it ego-driven?
want to express frustration with self
but do not want to seek attention
isn’t everything we do on social media
masturbatory?
sigh
and when I listen to another and
JUDGE
I notice I can be a chameleon
knowing everyone is on their own journey
doesn’t stop me from having moments of weakness
what can I learn about things that frustrate me?
what is the lesson?
it escapes me sometimes
I cannot expect kindness and understanding from others
if I do, I will always be disappointed
I can only strive for it in myself
but remember nobody is perfect
Evan, I was more like you than you knew
I wish you knew
perhaps you do now
if so, please help me