Losing You

three weeks sober and things felt fine
you appeared healthy, kept in touch
then you went to the doctor
and came home with more pills

Exclamation marks are endless
You sound distracted, mind is racing
Adderall has taken hold
An exaggerated you

something negative comes up
and you: “just think happy thoughts”
I’m afraid that it’s going to
take you away from me

glad it helps you focus on writing
worried it makes you feel lonely
constantly seeking attention from others
I’m watching a car crash in slow motion

I see a vision of me moving
then everything falls apart
my anxiety wells up
naive to think it could work

I feel distant so I reach out
after a delay, a short answer
maybe not purposefully avoiding me
but I’m feeling like less of a priority

your mind is moving so fast you can’t keep up
when you don’t let me in I feel shut out
is it really just a sense of overwhelm
or is it something more?
I don’t want to push and cause you to retreat

I know it’s your body, your choice
but I think I need someone
who doesn’t hide behind drugs

this lesson keeps repeating
and I can’t seem to learn
don’t let others control your emotions
reading between the lines and making assumptions
instead of asking for clarity