Recurring Lessons and Welcoming 2020
Final project for watercolor painting spring 2019. This is a replication of an Amy Cunningham-Waltz original, with permission.
Oh 2019, you were full of lessons that I still haven’t quite learned. I’m ready for the new decade. If this coming decade is anything like the last, I’m in for a ton of growth. I started the decade at the top of my roller derby career with my ego in charge - making Team USA and getting the opportunity to do some international coaching. The middle of the decade was full of loss and learning how to grieve including divorce, losing two kitties, and the guy I was dating ending his own life. I moved to Missouri and the last part of the decade I had knee surgery, started dating a great human, and am back to having 3 cats.
Here’s a list of my favorite audiobooks from 2019: Revolution of the Soul by Seane Corn; Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon by Dr. Joe Dispenza; The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King. I’m glad I’ve gotten back into the habit of listening more often. Revolution of the Soul was extra special because I got to attend Seane Corn’s book talk while she was in St. Louis and she narrated the audiobook. I think I could listen to that book every year and learn something new each time.
I went on lots of adventures this year and especially towards the end of the year got in a lot of hikes. I am so happy Amber Maier suggested an artist to me who makes nature art because it inspired me to start building nature mandalas whenever I hike (if it’s warm enough!). I started coaching junior roller derby again as my volunteer activity, but I miss playing music for hospice patients. I will probably do that again in the future.
I took two more classes towards my Certificate in Somatic Studies (7 credits down, 8 to go!); Yoga and Relaxation Techniques and Body Conditioning. I like to say that the Body Conditioning class was basically PT exercises on steroids for dancers. If you’re confused, a Somatic Practice is basically any type of mindful movement/embodiment practice - yoga, tai chi, alexander technique, etc. I also took a watercolor painting class last spring and I’m excited that I have finally put some of the things I did up on my website. That was an exercise in patience and perfectionism but I’m so glad I took it because it got me back into creating art.
The recurring lesson I’m struggling with is investigating my triggers to determine what part of me still needs healing when I’m upset. I really believe that when someone triggers something in us, it is reflecting a piece of us that needs to heal. But I also believe that sometimes we get upset about things because a boundary has been violated and that we can choose what behavior we accept from others. The hard part for me is recognizing when there is something in me that needs healing vs. behavior I do not want in my life. I heard somewhere that only a narcissist is triggered by someone else’s behavior and then asks that person to change to avoid getting triggered in the future. That hit me hard and made me question whether or not I was a narcissist. The details aren’t important, and I don’t think that I’m really a narcissist, but it definitely got me thinking. I learned a long time ago that I need to unconditionally accept others and never ask someone to change. Apparently that’s one of those lessons that takes some time to really sink in.
Now that I’ve spent time reflecting on the past year and decade, I look forward to focusing on intentions for 2020 and beyond. Let’s make the next decade even better than the last!
