First Christmas in St. Louis (2015)
This photo is from Waimea Beach in Hawaii last January, where they have a tree with all kinds of things that have washed ashore. Now seems like an appropriate time to share.
In general, I enjoy the holiday season. I went on a group walk last weekend to look at Christmas lights and was the goofy one running ahead and getting giddy over different displays. I'm definitely not a Grinch.
However, this year is the first year that I'm really realizing how hard the holidays can be for people dealing with issues of any kind (grief, loss, illness, broken families, addiction, violence, trauma, other mental health issues, isolation, etc.). The last two Decembers were a little rough for me (divorce in 2013, death of my kitty Little Girl in 2014), but this year has been by far the most challenging and emotional.
I have made the difficult decision to stay in St. Louis this week instead of visiting my family in MN. I just can't leave my cat Buddy right now (still slowing down/losing weight, not eating much but still drinking water and taking heart meds 2x/day). I've been back to MN over a half dozen times since moving at the end of March and was just there for Thanksgiving, but that doesn't make it easy. This is my first Christmas not being with family.
At the gym yesterday, there was Christmas music on. I was listening to the songs and they all made me so sad. . . I started crying while working out and almost hyperventilated a couple of times. I positioned myself at each station so the instructor couldn't see my face because I didn't want her to ask me what was going on. I was frustrated by her choice of music when some people clearly are struggling this season.
I know her choice of music wasn't intended to upset anybody, but my experience is making me more sensitive to other people and what they may be dealing with. It's making me so aware of the importance of community and support all year, but especially this time of year.
By the way (if anyone reads this far - hah!), I'm really interested in finding a charitable event to volunteer at sometime this weekend, but everything I've found so far is already full. If you know of anything in St. Louis that needs extra help, please let me know!
Sending extra love to everyone this week. Don't forget to take care of yourselves!
