Listen to the Nudges (2021 Review)
I started writing about some highlights from the past year and realized I hadn’t thought very deeply about the lessons the year brought me, which is why I usually write up something at the end of each year. I think the biggest lesson this year for me was - listen to the nudges.
The Rollercoaster of 2020
I don’t think any of us could have predicted the overwhelming rollercoaster that has been 2020. The pandemic has reminded us that there is a lot in life that we can't control. We CAN control how we respond, how we choose to spend our time, and how much we love ourselves and others.
Suicide is Complex; Be Kind to Everyone
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I recently read an article about how some survivors of suicide loss tend to cringe at “prevention” campaigns and I was so happy to know I am not the only one! When people march around saying that suicide is preventable, it can add to the guilt and shame of survivors of suicide loss. If it was preventable, why wasn’t I able to prevent it? I do believe in the importance of reducing stigma of mental health issues and educating people on signs that often present themselves. I do believe that with intervention, SOME suicides are preventable. The crisis hotlines are lifesavers for many, but they are not enough.
Choosing Gratitude and Growth (2018 Review)
The past year definitely had some challenges, and I think my biggest takeaway is one I thought I had learned but I guess needed a reminder: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. The only things I can control in life are how I choose to spend my energy and money, how I respond (or react) to others, my attitude, and my perspective.
Sometimes Life is Hard
Some days are harder than others. I’ve run into some friends lately who are like, “How are you? It looks like things are going well based on Instagram/Facebook!” I realize that I do try to focus on the positive especially with what I’m posting on social media, and that’s because I know what we think about expands. I don’t dwell on little negative things these days and have grown a lot in the past 5 years. I find that filling my mind/attention with information on healing and positive things is helpful, especially with a brain that never seems to stop. In general, life is great and I am very happy.
But sometimes, life is hard. Sometimes it’s hard to focus and I find myself avoiding being present and fall back into old unhealthy patterns. Sometimes anxiety has more control than I’d like and I have a hard time accepting that.
Well I Do
It was a reminder that even some people who “seem to have things under control” when it comes to their mental health have to work at it DAILY. Even when you get into a good healthy rhythm - if you struggle with any mental health issue, it’s still there under the surface, ready to attack any time you slack a little on the self-care.
Boxing Breakdown
Last night I attended a mitt class for only the second time in the two years I’ve been going to this gym. I was having a really difficult time remembering combinations/how to turn my body to block and deflect punches. I felt embarrassed, stupid, and incapable. I felt sorry for my partner for having to deal with my slow brain. I kept apologizing to her and then judged myself for both judging myself so harshly and also for the way I was talking about myself to her. I wanted to give up and cry. I could not believe the ridiculous script of negative self-talk that was going through my head and was more frustrated that I was judging myself so harshly than the fact that I was struggling so much with the movements.
Struggles with Body Image
Warning: long monthly grieving post. I’m not crying out for help or fishing for compliments, just sharing part of my journey because I think these topics are important to discuss. I also am very aware that having an issue with body image is something men and women of all ages and sizes can encounter. I know I’m a “healthy” weight and am not trying to take anything away from people who struggle with obesity or thin-shaming.
First Christmas in St. Louis (2015)
In general, I enjoy the holiday season. I went on a group walk last weekend to look at Christmas lights and was the goofy one running ahead and getting giddy over different displays. I'm definitely not a Grinch.
However, this year is the first year that I'm really realizing how hard the holidays can be for people dealing with issues of any kind (grief, loss, illness, broken families, addiction, violence, trauma, other mental health issues, isolation, etc.).