Noticing Codependent Patterns
Every once in a while a bunch of stressful things all happen at once and I am reminded of the importance of self-care and boundaries.
Sometimes when I'm in "helper" mode I need to remember that I can only help if I am not neglecting other responsibilities, otherwise I'm being codependent. It is not my job to fix other people's problems. There's just a switch that goes off in my brain that gets me fixated on solving problems sometimes, even when they aren't my problems to solve. The most obnoxious part is that I can often see it as it happens and I can tell myself: "the most important thing for you to do right now is take care of yourself," but I cannot seem to stop my brain from going down rabbit holes. The worst is when it interferes with my sleep. I can even force myself to go to bed early, but if I'm fixated on something it can take me hours to shut my brain off for rest. I'm SO GRATEFUL that this doesn't happen often, but I wish it didn't happen at all. But wishing it didn't happen means I need to have self-compassion and acceptance for the way my mind works. I can accept it and also work on trying to retrain my brain. Oof, this stuff is complicated.
I love helping people. I have some specific research skills and understand a LOT about our mental health and how our bodies store trauma. I've learned SO MUCH about addiction and I still don't know the best way to support someone who is struggling. I know how important it is to be kind. I also know that enabling is a major problem. At the same time, a huge part of healing from addiction is connection - both to yourself and also to a community. It's really hard to figure out that balancing point of support and empowerment. I believe it is vital for them to want to make changes and get help and for them to be part of the process of planning what's next.
The "system" for dealing with addiction seems so flawed and outdated to me. I was reading an article someone posted about Heartmath and noticed it was from a gorgeous holistic recovery center in Sedona. Out of curiosity, I checked on pricing and their 30 day program was $66,000! It looked like such an incredible place and had tons of body-based and cutting edge therapy modalities, daily yoga, and healthy food, but seriously who can afford that?! It's so hard to know which options are actually good vs. predatory. Some of them are cash grabs that prey on people who care about loved ones and don't really help much.
Having dinner in the yard has been such a needed respite for me this week. The warm sun on my skin has felt so nice and it has helped me snap out of my overthinking to be present.
For anyone out there who needs to hear it - you are loved, you matter, and you can get through this.
