LOVE: Let Others Voluntarily Evolve (2023 Review)
It is so hard to watch people make choices that I know are hurting them. I wrote something that hasn't made it into a full poem yet: “Even though I think I do, I don't know what's best for you.” Susanne Joie says “LOVE: Let Others Voluntarily Evolve” and this is something I am trying so hard to do. I recognize that others are our mirrors and that I may continue to find myself in certain situations for my own evolution and growth.
Unconditional Acceptance & Connection (2022 Review)
Growth isn't always linear. As I notice my frustration about the way I spend my time (falling off on regular self care like yoga and weightlifting, too much time trying to stay "caught up" on Facebook, letting household chores slide), I recognize how important it is for me to unconditionally accept and love myself exactly as I am. To know that this is just a dip and I will continue to learn and grow.
Choosing Gratitude and Growth (2018 Review)
The past year definitely had some challenges, and I think my biggest takeaway is one I thought I had learned but I guess needed a reminder: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. The only things I can control in life are how I choose to spend my energy and money, how I respond (or react) to others, my attitude, and my perspective.
Sometimes Life is Hard
Some days are harder than others. I’ve run into some friends lately who are like, “How are you? It looks like things are going well based on Instagram/Facebook!” I realize that I do try to focus on the positive especially with what I’m posting on social media, and that’s because I know what we think about expands. I don’t dwell on little negative things these days and have grown a lot in the past 5 years. I find that filling my mind/attention with information on healing and positive things is helpful, especially with a brain that never seems to stop. In general, life is great and I am very happy.
But sometimes, life is hard. Sometimes it’s hard to focus and I find myself avoiding being present and fall back into old unhealthy patterns. Sometimes anxiety has more control than I’d like and I have a hard time accepting that.
Well I Do
It was a reminder that even some people who “seem to have things under control” when it comes to their mental health have to work at it DAILY. Even when you get into a good healthy rhythm - if you struggle with any mental health issue, it’s still there under the surface, ready to attack any time you slack a little on the self-care.
Boxing Breakdown
Last night I attended a mitt class for only the second time in the two years I’ve been going to this gym. I was having a really difficult time remembering combinations/how to turn my body to block and deflect punches. I felt embarrassed, stupid, and incapable. I felt sorry for my partner for having to deal with my slow brain. I kept apologizing to her and then judged myself for both judging myself so harshly and also for the way I was talking about myself to her. I wanted to give up and cry. I could not believe the ridiculous script of negative self-talk that was going through my head and was more frustrated that I was judging myself so harshly than the fact that I was struggling so much with the movements.
Three Nights of Solitude
Prior to arrival at Windridge Solitude, I was prepared to have a mental breakdown of some sort. I knew that three nights alone in a cottage with no technology, books, or music was going to be a challenge and I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to handle it. I was a bit surprised and very happy that I didn’t actually have any breakdowns at all and loved every moment of solitude.
Struggles with Body Image
Warning: long monthly grieving post. I’m not crying out for help or fishing for compliments, just sharing part of my journey because I think these topics are important to discuss. I also am very aware that having an issue with body image is something men and women of all ages and sizes can encounter. I know I’m a “healthy” weight and am not trying to take anything away from people who struggle with obesity or thin-shaming.
Self-Care Summer
In 2015 I did a couple months of daily self-care posts and they helped me keep awareness of how I am treating myself beyond those 30 day spurts. Lately I’ve noticed my self-care slipping a little and I know the next couple of months are going to be full of feelings so I’ve decided to embark on a new journey: #selfcaresummer #68daysofart.
Wonderings
Sick to my stomach, an unfamiliar tightness in my throat emerges. I’m sure my body is telling me something, reminding me I need to feel. But what feeling manifests as a queasy stomach? Disgust? Grief? Sadness? Anxiety? It could be any of those.
Focus evades me. I know I’m not bored because I’m rarely capable of boredom. I’m just . . . not here. But not really anywhere. No thoughts. Catatonic.
Selfcareber (a month of self-care)
One beautiful thing about self-care is that it is unique to each individual. Ask yourself what feeds your soul, what makes you feel good, what makes you come alive with passion. THOSE are the things to do for self-care. What works for one person may not work for another. What is relaxing for one person may induce stress in another. If someone told me I need to run on a treadmill every day to get enough exercise for my health I would laugh at them. I can’t stand treadmills! If I told someone they need to get 9 hours of sleep each night but they only need 6, they’d be wasting 3 hours and probably wouldn’t be able to do it. You get what I’m trying to say. Self-care shouldn’t add stress to your life. Small changes can make a huge impact.